


boom, breathe

by Samorn



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Drug Abuse, Gen, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Torture, Mentions of Episode 4/Episode 5 Teaser, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-30
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-12 00:50:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4459019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samorn/pseuds/Samorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he wonders if it can really get any worse. if he'll ever have a choice. what he would do if one was presented to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. try to try again

Somebody had broken his door, he could see that much. Oh fuck. He's at the couch, pulling, praying it's still there. 

> _Breathe in, breathe out._
> 
> _Everything was going to be alright._
> 
> _It had to be, right? That's how karma worked, right? The people that did all this fucked up shit to you would pay for it, right?_
> 
> _Breathe in, breathe out._  

Maybe that throbbing in his ribs would go away. Maybe he could make it go away. Shaky hands twist off the cap.

Now he's on the bed, hand to his mouth, swallowing. Swearing. Promising he'll do better. He can always do better. He _has_ to do better.

A swig of whiskey washes them down.

> _The pills or the thoughts?_

He wonders if he wants to forget. If that's the lesser evil. If that's the only thing he knows how to do. No, he doesn't want to forget. All he does is forget. That's all he's told to do. He's only ever _told_ to do something.

He wonders what it's like to be able to choose. He wonders what he could've been.

He wonders if this will finally be it. If the toxic combination will kill him. If it will finally be over.

> _It hasn't kicked in yet._

His hand wraps around the gun and he stares down the barrel.

He wouldn't have to remember or forget. He could choose.

Fingers pulling the trigger.

Boom.

Breathe.


	2. to hear yourself again from time to time

Bright lights, sharp breathes.

> _Over and over and over and over, why won’t it stop?!_

Methodically pushing, pulling, stitching; it never ends. He’s told to hold still, stop moving, arms holding him down.

Just once he wishes he would stop. Stop breathing.

> _Stop existing._

******

He’s awake, thrashing, screaming, shouting.

> _Don’t let them hurt me! Don’t don’t don’t don’t don’t_

But they do. Oh, how they do.

He’s gone, silent, quiet, still.

Still breathing.

******

He can hear her. Her breathing, her sobbing, her pleading.

> _Shut up, just shut up, he’ll leave you alone if you shut up!_

He hopes that she won’t end up like Rachel. Hopes she won’t haunt him.

Head to the side, sting to the neck. Short, sharp gasps. Tossed to the side. He can almost feel her.

> _It’ll be…_

But it won’t be okay. He doesn’t want her to end up like him.

Fingers outstretched, they touch.

He pretends not to feel her hand slipping into his, gripping it. Tries to ignore her shaking.

> _Fuck, let it be over soon._

Footsteps approaching.

Not soon enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all for now, folks! Hope you enjoyed reading my first complete fic!  
> I'm planning to write a happier Nathan-centric fic soon.


End file.
